An Apple A Day

It is a rare day when I am able to walk around my campus and not find a "hip" undergrad with a Macbook (that white one, you know the one). For the life of me I cannot understand why. Universities are supposed to be institutions of higher learning, are they not? Then how have so many students "slipped through the cracks" of the education system? It is clear that young adults today have not the slightest grasp of basic mathematic inequalities.

Let's take the top of the line Apple Macbook for $1749 Canadian and compare it with a similar product like the Dell Studio XPS for $1779. Before we start though, I will list all of the components that are equal between the two laptops.

• Both have the same graphics card
• Both have a 13" LED screen
• That's it

Now comes the math homework.

1. Is a 2.4 GHz processor better than a 2.53 GHz processor? Macbook user's answer: Yes. Correct answer: No.
   
2. Is 2 GB of RAM better than 4 GB of RAM? Macbook user's answer: Yes. Correct answer: No
   
3. Is a 250 GB Hard drive larger than a 320 GB Hard drive? Macbook user's answer: Yes. Correct answer: No
   

Iam aware though, that many Macbook buyers are enamoured with their product's "user friendly" nature. However, I had a coworker who said he could not e-mail me because his Mac would not recognize my e-mail address. How is that user friendly?

Or perhaps Mac users are referring to increased security or a better operating system interface when they sing the Macbook's praises? If this is the case, then why not just install a linux based operating system like Ubuntu? You can adjust the settings to give you the same applications dock (that string of logos on the top or bottom of your screen) and looks, and Ubuntu is just about bullet proof when it comes to preventing viruses.

I'm also aware that Macs are often used by amateur movie makers who fancy themselves pros, and want to use "what Hollywood uses." If that is the case, prepare to pay an extra $199 for Final Cut Express 4, and another $189 for Aperature 2 (the photo editing software). For the Dell, one can buy the top-ranked software in terms of "user friendliness" for video editing at a fraction of the cost - Corel VideoStudio is only $70. CinePaint is free (open source) and is used by Pixar.

Since logic and math have failed to come up with a good reason for buying a Macbook, I am forced to conclude the following....

(this image was made on a Dell laptop using Gnu Image Manipulation Program (GIMP). Price of software: $0)

How Not To Wear A Scarf

Scarves have one legitimate purpose: to keep your face warm. That's it. However, within the past year or so I have noticed an alarming increase in the number of scarves worn for a different reason: people trying to look foolish.

Take a good look at the following pictures if you don't know what I mean:

A) The No-Knot Knot



This is a safety concern for a good number of reasons. For starters, the ends of the scarf could be caught up in the wheels of an oncoming bicycle. If the bike in question looks like it should have died 40 years ago, but has been restored for purposes of making its rider look like a wanker, then this would be alright. However, there is the distinct possibility that the scarf may get caught up in the wheels of an important bike, like a ten-speed (these are often used for legitimate transportation purposes). This would be a tragedy since the scarf would not be in a position to choke the wearer.

B) The Tumor Knot


(This knot is not discriminatory. It looks equally ugly on both men and women.)

I call this one the Tumor Knot because it looks like the wearer has a giant cancerous growth coming out of his/her neck. Enough said.

C) The Hacker Knot



Believe it or not, that name is not a joke. Apparently this really is called a hacker knot. I prefer to call it the Fat Neck Knot, because that's what it makes you appear to possess. This is a great knot for attaching your baggage claim ticket to your luggage when you are traveling on the bus or a plane. But I fear the most you'll receive for using it to attach your scarf to your neck is a punch in the face.

Perhaps some of you are now confused. You've only ever seen people wear scarves in a manner similar to those pictured above. You may now be thinking, "but DFM, how then should I wear my scarf?" Good question. I'm glad you asked. Here is how to wear your scarf:



Yes, that is Randy Parker from A Christmas Story. This is the only known time in the history of modern cinema when a scarf was worn appropriately. After carefully scrutinizing the picture you may think, "but if I wear a scarf like this, I'll get too hot when it's not cold enough for a scarf but I still want everyone to know how hip I am." I guess you've got me there.