Dirty Hippies

The saying, "don't let the bed bugs bite," had always seemed ridiculous to me. As far as I was concerned bed bugs were an urban myth. Sure they may have been an issue after WWII, but outside of jails and homeless shelters they were a thing of the past. Right?

Recently, a friend of mine had to evacuate her apartment while it was treated for bed bugs. A cursory search of the Internet showed that many major cities in Canada are experiencing a resurgence of the blood suckers. Apparently, when you sit on an infected bed the bug attaches to your clothes, then you carry it onto a bus where it attaches to the seat, then to another butt. Eventually the bug gets carried to your neighbour's apartment room and you get kicked out of yours.

While Dr. James Dobson would have you believe that it is homosexuals who are the greatest threat to your family, the evidence of bed bugs in my friend's apartment is proof that it is in fact dirty hippies who are the greatest threat to the family. I demand that hippie marriage be outlawed immediately! Where's Eric Cartman when you need him?

[Ed. note: the existence of bed bugs in many five star hotels would seem to disprove the "dirty Hippies" theory.]