Some say that he has two left hands, and his nose can tell when it will rain. All we know is that he's called DFM.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


What Would Hank Hill Do? That is a question I ask myself almost every day. For those of you who don't know, Hank Hill is a character on the underrated television show King of the Hill. Hank is a Republican from Texas who hates all things asinine. So, in case you ever encounter one of the following situations and you're not sure how to act, let me tell you what Hank Hill would do:

1. Problem: Wife hints that for her birthday she'd like "something for the bedroom."
WWHHD?: Build her a shoe tree.

2. Problem: You're having a bar-be-cue and a guest asks for a medium rare steak.
WWHHD?: Ask him or her politely, yet firmly, to leave.

3. Problem: You have to take a shower with other men.
WWHHD?: Lower his eyes and count the tiles.

4. Problem: Some yoga instructor calls a pose the "Sun Salutation."
WWHHD?: Change the name to "Modified Roger Staubach.

5. Problem: You need to "explore your feelings."
WWHHD?: Fix up his truck or car, or the truck or car of a loved one/friend/acquantance/stranger, etc.

6. Problem: You see a teenager with dyed hair driving a car with a loud stereo, a wing, and neon.
WWHHD?: Call the cops.

Don't miss the hundreds of other useful tips to make your life asinine free that can be found every week on King of the Hill. It's on Sunday nights on FOX (unless there's a baseball game, or a FOX executive remembers it's been a whole week since he last screwed over Mike Judge). I know you'll enjoy. That's not FOX's policy, but it is mine.

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