John Kimble loves his car. He's also a tough-as-nails cop who "works alone." For reasons I can't be bothered to explain, Kimble is forced to go undercover as a kindergarten teacher in order to track down the identity of a drug-dealer's ex-wife and her/his son. Sounds easy, but the kids can smell fear, and when they do any unsuspecting teacher has had it! Hillarity ensues.
I know what you're thinking, "wow, that sounds like a great movie!" I know this because I thought the same thing too. John Kimble soon turns from a no-nonsense cop into a no-nonsense teacher who gets things done (uh-oh, we'd better get the union in on that before somebody learns something). You might think that the introduction of a rodent into the classroom as a class mascot or the use of a police whistle to keep law and order would be a bad idea, but you'd be wrong. This is John Kimble and you belong to him!
After watching this movie a couple dozen times I knew that teaching kids was a badass job - sometimes you get a headache and it might be a tumour. So watch out kids, your mommy isn't going to run behind you and wipe your little tushes any more. Oh no. It's time now to turn this mush into muscles!
And that's why Kindergarten Cop is the greatest movie ever.