Some say that he has two left hands, and his nose can tell when it will rain. All we know is that he's called DFM.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Violence Solves Everything

It seems today that there's a lot of discussion around bullying in schools. The government of Canada even has a website about how to prevent it. The thing is, bullying has been around as long as prostitution so you'd think that we'd have mastered it by now. Our schools haven't, but do not fear because DFM has.

The solution is to teach children how to fight, although the actual act of fighting is not what is important. What really matters is that the child thinks he/she can fight. I was bullied as a nine year old. My dad taught me some kung-fu moves he had learned. I was never bullied again. In fact I never even had to use the moves, my bully just magically disappeared. When I was ten and eleven I used to lose every fight I got myself into. When I was twelve I started watching WWF wrestling. I was ready to sharp shooter the next kid who looked at me wrong. Never got in another fight again. My brother was being bullied recently. I taught him how to box. Problem solved. Notice a trend?

In all three of these situations there was never a punch thrown. The reason it works is that when you feel you can fight, you become more confident. When you're more confident you don't get as bothered by minor issues and you walk a little taller. Bullies stop picking on you because you don't get riled up anymore and you don't look like you're about to cry, so there's no point in wasting their precious bullying time. Furthermore, you look like you wouldn't take it if they did try, so the bullies will go pick on someone who will.

The reason bullying seems so bad now is that there are not enough males teaching. Males tend to understand that a punch to the face isn't a life threatening situation. Most of the females I've known don't even know how to throw a punch let alone what one feels like. If schools really want to stop bullying they just need to set up a "fight club." Every Friday after school, anyone who wants to fight goes to fight club and has it out with giant, over sized gloves and head gear. Nobody gets seriously hurt, everyone gets really tired, and the problem is solved. I used to be an amateur boxer. Boxing is probably the most fun sport in the world, but I don't want to do it every week. Three times a year is fine for me. Plus, the school could charge admission from the other students and really boost its budget.

My dad said that there was a shop teacher in his school who actually did this (the boxing, not the ticket sales). My dad's recollection was that bullying went way down. In my school, a teacher threatened to bring gloves to school so that we could fight out our aggression. She never did. Bullying went up.

(These boys must be well adjusted young adults by now.)


  1. It`s pretty hilarious that one of the banner ads for your site says `Edmonton Bully Prevention` and it takes you to an Edmonton area mixed martial arts centre for kids.

    Proof, meet pudding.

  2. Ha, as Peggy Hill would say: "the proof is in the pudding, and I am that pudding."